Essex's answer to Sophia Loren tells Paul Simpson how she made a portly middle-aged man into a sex symbol and how to get a discount in shops

Vicki Michelle is flexing her throat muscles. There's a distant rumble of the kind which normally signifies an imminent avalanche followed by a cry of 'Ohhh Rrrennnnnnn-ayyy!' The growl is pure sex tigress. Lesser dramatic performers like Dustin Hoffman would have had to spend two years sharing a cage with tigers at London Zoo to perfect that growl. But for Vicki Michelle (aka Yvette Carte Blanche in 'Allo 'Allo!) this is easy peasy. But then, as she says, no one can doubt her credentials as a drama queen: 'I must be a great actress, I made Rene believable as a sex symbol.' So top that Mr Hoffman.

 She is talking about believability in the front room of her ample residence in one of the discreeter suburbs in the controversial county of Essex. The room is packed with the kind of furniture which Mrs Bucket would want to own if she only had taste. Half hidden behind the TV set lurks a shiny, golden, Gotcha. Michelle is in civvies: white shirt, jeans and black boots. There are two parts of her anatomy which, as a visitor, I find it impossible to ignore. I'm talking, of course, about her eyes. When she's coming over all theatrical, darling, her pale blue eyes treble in size as if they're a pair of saucers.

 Making Rene believable as anything was a triumph. After all, this was a cafe owner who, when he wasn't worrying about the stick of dynamite down his trousers, was discussing the theft of the painting of the fallen Madonna with ze big boobies or tumbling into cupboards to snatch hasty embraces with admiring waitresses. With its running gags (some ran, others just limped), catchphrases, rhyming dialogue and daft plots, 'Allo 'Allo! was as close to panto as a sitcom could get without sticking Frank Bruno and Harry Carpenter in dresses and calling them The Ugly Sisters.

Some critics found it offensive. Understandably, Vicki Michelle didn't. 'It had a go at everybody. The French were randy, the Germans were kinky and the English were stupid.' Others found its very success offensive but the French and Germans bought it as did, possibly more remarkably, the Zambians. 'It went on for longer than the war,' says Michelle with a giggle.

 She giggles a lot, particularly when she's telling some embarrassing truth ( like: ''Oh Rene' was a way of making the camera stay on me longer') or retelling an anecdote. 'When I was on Noel's show I was working on his ear and he said to me: 'What are you on?' I said: 'Nothing, I'm just acting darling'.'

 Acting, darling, is what she was born for. As a girl she pretended to be Sophia Loren in The Millionairess but she had qualified as a secretary when her dad asked if she wouldn't rather go to stage school like her sister. She tried stage school for a year and before the year was up she was getting parts in series like Softly Softly in which she was variously a murder victim, an informant and a girl skinhead. Her film career peaked with a minor role in The Greek Tycoon, starring Anthony Quinn. She had a few lines of dialogue and she was supposed to walk past in the background of one of his scenes but after rehearsal he vetoed her walk, fearing audiences would be distracted. 'It was very flattering in a way'.

 In the mid-1970s, Dick Emery gave her a part in one of his shows. The rest, as they say, is comedy. She's worked with the greats like Les Dawson ('Wonderful man. Very intelligent. Could talk on any subject and often did') and the Two Ronnies (she still speaks reverently of the 'brilliant but humble' Barker). In the less politically correct 1970s, she had the ideal physique to be an eye-catching extra in sketches but she says: 'You can't just look good, you have to have timing and you have to be able to convince the audience you are the character.' But by the early 1980s, she had given up showbiz, accepting a job selling ads for Pearl and Dean, when she was sent a script for a pilot called 'Allo 'Allo!.

She read for two parts: the 'I weel say zees only wance' resistance worker and Yvette. Producer David Croft probably had her in mind as Yvette because she'd played a robot-cum-French maid in one of his earlier sitcoms called Come Back Mrs Noah. She based her accent on an au pair from her childhood. The growl was an ad lib. 'I didn't have a catchphrase and I thought 'Hang on, I'm not getting enough dialogue.'

 'We were waiting for shooting to start in Norfolk once. All the men were dressed as women and the women were dressed as men and I just thought 'What must we all look like?' Some of the fun went out of it after Gordon's car crash [a paparazzi broke into the hospital and photographed the stricken actor while he was unconscious]. He became very wary of the press and all that it could do.'

 The underside of her fame wasn't as bad. 'Before I used to think that men chatted me up because I was glamorous. Suddenly they were chatting me up because they wanted to talk to Yvette. That can make you a little insecure but you get over it.'

 Since 'Allo 'Allo! she has made irregular appearances on Noel's House Party. The premise for her guest role is that a femme fatale a la Yvette has moved into Crinkley Bottom and fallen in love with the owner of the big house. Gordon Kaye and Noel Edmunds aren't exactly Colin Firth, are they? 'Well Rene was such an unlikely sex symbol he gave men hope everywhere. And Noel, well, I'd always thought Noel was rather good looking.'

She  still  watches 'Allo 'Allo!.  'Even  now  it  just creases me up. Mind you, I sometimes think 'God,

that lighting makes me look a hundred.'' She accepts that to some people she'll always be Yvette but doesn't mind. 'People always ask: 'Would you like to change anything?' and I say: 'Why? I can't.'' Not that she'd change that much anyway. 'It'd be nice to be taken a little more seriously,' she says with a laugh. 'But you get typecast in this business and there's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well get the most out of it. I'm not averse to talking a beeeet like zees [cue phoney French accent and multiple hand gestures]. I do it in shops all the time. It's good for a discount.'

'Allo 'Allo! The Duel is now available on BBC Video

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During her recent run as Miss Hannigan in Annie at The Marlowe Theatre Canterbury, Vicki was invited to be a guest on  Radio  Kent’s  Sunday show The  Music  Room, a  show similar  in format  to  the long running Desert Island Disc programme. Due to work commitments, Vicki’s appearance had to be delayed until the 3^rd of July but when it finally did take place, it was a thoroughly enjoyable

experience for her. “I had a really great time,” she explains. “I had to give them a list of my favourite songs and why I had chosen them. Roger Day interviewed me and we talked about my work, what I had done, what I am going to do, it was a really good interview. I was on for about an hour and I also bumped into Dave Cash while  I  was  there.” As to her choice of songs, well they were truly diverse ranging from rock to operetta with every one attached to some close family memories. “I chose some Tina Turner because my daughter does a great impression of her. Mario Lanza’s  ‘Be My Love’  because  my  dad  always used to sing it to my mum and one of his favourite

songs by Dean Martin ‘Little Ole Wine Drinker Me’. I particularly wanted some Tom Jones because he is just such a fantastic singer. I sang one of his songs in panto a couple of years ago with John Gaunt. We had such a great time it simply had to be that song, ‘Sex Bomb’. James Brown was also high on my list, ‘Get up, I feel like a sex machine’. I also would have loved to include the theme from ‘The Legend of The Glass Mountain’ as my mum appeared in the film.  Unfortunately they couldn’t get hold of a copy of that but thank you Radio Kent, I had a ball.”

During recent years, much of Vicki’s career has been spent in the theatre and ultimately as a result, touring. She has literally travelled thousands of miles both round the UK and worldwide. Last December she was approached by producer Chris Moreno to appear in two comedy plays, Don’t Dress for Dinner by Marc Camoletti and Bedside Manners by Derek Benfield aboard the prestigious cruise liner Oriana during part of the ship’s 2005 world cruise. The elegant  853-foot  liner is  part of  the P&O fleet.  Boasting  3  swimming  pools,  a  fitness  spa, beauty salon, shops, nightclub,  disco, cinema, its  own  plush Theatre Royal  and  of  course a  variety  of  bars  and restaurants to

suit every taste, Oriana is one of Britain’s most popular cruise ships and with accommodation ranging from twin bedded cabins to suites and state rooms carrying up to a maximum of 2272 passengers, the on board entertainment has to be of the highest standard. Always looking for a new adventure, the decision to take up the offer of such a chance in such luxurious surroundings was not a difficult one to make. I caught up with Vicki on her return to ask her about the trip and to find out if she had any other experiences of life on the ocean wave.

“My first experience of the sea would have been as a child of about five. I went on a cruise to America with my parents to visit my aunt out there but I don’t remember very much about it,” says Vicki. “I suppose my first real job at sea was to mark the 40th anniversary of V.E. Day in 1984. It was while I was in Allo Allo and most of the cast were involved, Gorden Kaye, Arthur Bostrom, Richard Gibson, Kim Hartman and we were all in character. The idea was to entertain the British and  French  veterans  on  board  the  ferry  Hengist  crossing from Folkestone to Boulogne for the

celebrations in France. Ian Lavender from Dad’s Army was also there. It was quite an event from what I remember; we even had a spitfire flying escort overhead. We were invited onto the Bridge and I well remember having photos taken with Captain Bridgewater who really entered into the spirit of things. In fact he wrote to me recently and sent some of the photos. It brought back some lovely memories. After that, Yvette was asked to do a number of promotions in a similar vein and only a couple of years ago I did one for Sea Cat. My first real cruise though was on the QE2. It was only for a few days and I was asked to judge a beauty competition for the Daily Star. My husband was also a judge as was DJ Mike Read and the ship’s captain. There was one particularly stunning girl contestant with long dark hair who I was adamant should win and the others all agreed with me so of course she did. Then a few years later I was at a charity function and a beautiful girl approached me this time with short blonde hair and a fantastic figure. It turned out to be none other than the same girl Emma Noble and she thanked me for being instrumental in setting her on the road to success, which was really nice".

"Then of course this year was the Oriana and the world cruise. That was the first time I had actually acted on a ship.”

I asked Vicki what had most attracted her to the idea. The response was instant.

“Undoubtedly the touring. I thought it was the chance of a lifetime and probably something I would never  have  done  otherwise plus my family were able to join me in Sydney and I thought it was a wonderful opportunity for my daughter to see places she would probably not otherwise get to. We swam in The Barrier Reef, which was absolutely fantastic. Then we went on to Kota Kinabalu in Malaysia and Hong Kong, it was a fantastic experience for all of us not least because we were able to do it together and of course I got paid for it,” she laughs. “Seriously we had a fabulous cruise. The other reason I decided to go was because I like trying new challenges and I think it’s a relatively new innovation to perform plays on cruise liners. They usually do big cabaret and variety shows so we just added another dimension.”

So was it popular with the passengers?

“It was incredibly popular with the passengers, we were packed out, they were queuing to see us and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Obviously the plays were both comedies, which may have played a part. It’s probably something I would like to do again if I didn’t have to be away from home for too long. This trip was just three weeks on board and a couple of weeks in rehearsal beforehand, which was great.”

“Well Sydney was great, I have a soft spot for Australia but then there were some beautiful islands. That's a bit of a difficult question really; I’ll need to think about that one. I mean all the places we visited were lovely, they all had something different to offer and some of the small islands were fantastic and you would just never go to them ordinarily.”

Did you meet the captain?

“Yes he was very charming. He invited us to a number of his private functions, to his ball, for drinks and the Bridge Deck of course. We used to see him jogging round the deck in the morning. He was always very busy though doing whatever captains do steering the ship, rowing etc,” she starts to giggle in true Michelle style, eyes sparkling!

What aspect of the experience did you most enjoy? Another slight pause.

“Mmmm seeing places I never had before and oh yes,” her face beams and the giggles start again. “Performing on a stage that rocks and rolls with the ship. I mean it really did. Not only did you have to contend with the rake or slope of the stage but you literally went up and down and all over with the movement of the ship so the challenge was to perform while being gently thrown around and staggering to keep straight.”

 Having had the privilege of working for Vicki for ten years and witnessing her poise and stage presence in over eighty performances, the hilarity of the image this statement conjures in the mind is too much for both of us as we collapse momentarily into helpless fits of laughter. Once regaining our composure I just had to ask the obvious!

With all the rolling around, did you get seasick?

“Not really. I didn’t feel ill at all on the Oriana but there was one trip on the Barrier Reef when we were on a smaller type of launch that was very bumpy and I did feel sick then. My daughter was very ill.” More reflection. “There were sometimes though when it was quite rocky,” she continues. “I remember lying in my cabin at night and feeling the rocking and rolling and hearing the ship creaking and you start to think, oh my God is this OK? It really was quite hairy at times actually”.

Finally I asked Vicki if there had been any aspect of the trip she had not enjoyed.

Another grin and a wicked laugh.

“Working,” she instantly replies. “No really, I’m joking. Seriously I did feel quite isolated at first until my family joined me. It’s something with cruising you have to get used to I think. I mean when you first get on board until you reach your first destination, which is probably days away, you are more or less trapped. With any other form of transport you can get off but this you can’t and I didn’t like that feeling. If, God forbid there had been an emergency with my family at home, it would have been very hard to get back in a hurry and I found that hard to come to terms with at the beginning. That said it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t care to repeat the experience in the future.”

So what is the future for Vicki? Well having already performed in two musicals this year since her return to the UK as Miss Hannigan in Annie and Lady Raeburn and Asphynxia in Salad Days, it comes as little surprise to learn that September will see her star as Maxine in the musical play Stepping Out for Chris Moreno Productions, staged in Lincoln. She will end the year as the Wicked Godmother in Sleeping Beauty at The Broadway Theatre, Peterborough.

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